burdge:

well, this was inevitable. [x]

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 

The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.

Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.

The End.

aanniimmee:

fdavkjdaffakjnkealnvlfidfnvajklnfdareyuevd

areyoutryingtodeduceme:

You ever have a dream so vivid that it takes you a while after you wake up to realize it wasn’t actually true? Like you found money or something in your dream but then you wake up and don’t have that $200 bucks anymore? Like that? Well this morning I didn’t realize I wasn’t actually dating Chris Evans until I went to try to send him a text before brushing my teeth.

geistygeist:

nerdepic:

jackiemakescomics:

is this the new flower crown?

yes and please

some sources: VZ WE MM VV PY

This makes me wish I could grow a decent beard

karlellis:

mindonspeakers:

An Oregon Couple Rushed Through Their Wedding Because Of A Wildfire

and then managed to take the most beautiful photos

aisu10:

THIS IS MY FAVORITE NOTE IVE EVER RECEIVED I CANT STOP LAUGHING

aisu10:

THIS IS MY FAVORITE NOTE IVE EVER RECEIVED I CANT STOP LAUGHING

pantherwhales-spout:

izziesworldofizzie:

Every time I go downstairs to the laundry room, this pigeon tries to seduce me.

"we have incompatible genitals" is now my favorite excuse.


I can hear the angels singing, Mr. B.

I can hear the angels singing, Mr. B.

casualmalexlfan:

i dont care what yahoo says, “Nice frog” is the best answer

shrimposaurus:

Finished this armin commish finally. biro, pencil and red/blue col-erase

captainjamestklrk:

MY BIRD IS SITTING IN THE TOP CORNER OF HER CAGE CALLING MY DOG’S NAME AND ASKING IF HE WANTS A TREAT AND IF HE WANTS TO GO TO OUTSIDE AND HE’S TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT’S HER SO EVERYTIME SHE SAYS SOMETHING HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE

image 

SHE LAUGHS EVERYTIME TOO AND NOW HE’S JUMPING ON ME AND BARKING AND GETTING MAD AT ME LIKE OLIVER TURN AROUND AND LOOK IN THAT HUGE ASS CAGE AND BEG HER FOR A FUCKING TREAT OR SOMETHING. 

harmoniclassicism:

YouTube.com/emptyglasschannel #lets #play #video #games #reviews #youtube #channel #empty #glass #fun #yay